Band Names that Never Were but Should Have Been

Unselfconscious Imbeciles
This one originates from politics (which I usually try to avoid at all costs, but I simply liked the name too much. It's got "flow". Yeah, maybe it has too many syllables in it, but I think a neo-punk band could make good use of it.


Recidivist Saggers
Taken from a news article about a Florida community which attempted to ban saggy pants. Not sure what kind of music "The Saggers" would play. Probably just a local garage band, hoping to make it big some day.


Whip Out the Ban Hammer
I got this from a headline. Oddly enough, it had absolutely zero sexual innuendo in its original context. I’m not sure what kind of music they would play. Maybe a little bit similar to Panic! at the Disco?


After the Totality
This one comes from the recent Blood Moon / Lunar Eclipse. Due to cloud cover I didn’t get to see the eclipse until after the totality was over. Disappointing, but at least it gave me a Band Name! What kind of music would After the Totality play? Probably classic / indie rock.

Drive-by Romeos
I think the Drive-by’s would look sort of like The Romantics from the early ‘80s. Probably that same kind of music, too. Something teenage girls would dance to.

Paranormal Teen Romance
Another band that would aim for the teenage girl market. Perhaps they’d have a quasi-friendly rivalry with the Drive-by Romeos, sort of like the Brian Jonestown Massacre and The Dandy Warhols did.

Angry Ovaries
I think the full name of the band would be "Tomatoes With Angry Ovaries". Taken from the Beaverton Famers Market, courtesy of Ann Snyder. Definitely a hard-rocking girl-group ala The Donnas. 

Vanishing Caloric Density
And I quote: "A hypothesis by Dr. Robert Hyde states that we tend to like foods with high oral impact, plenty of taste and dynamic contrast, but with low satiating ability or immediate gastric feedback." I haven't decided yet what kind of music "Vanishing Caloric Density" would play. Maybe Space Rock?

Gastric Feedback
As one commenter noted, the previous entry gives us a new one for free. And I'm pretty sure Gastric Feedback would be a grunge garage band.

Creeping Range Anxiety
Something experienced by people who drive alternative-fuel automobiles. Or a Psychobilly band. Or maybe something akin to Radiohead.

Shart Barfy
Or is this the lead singer for Semi-emergent C-Section? See below....

Semi-emergent C-Section
This is the one that started it all. I had to look it up to find out what it even meant. But to me it sounds like an all-girl New York punk band from the '80s.  Band members: Shart Barfy (lead singer), Kat Rancid (bass), Lux Placenta (drums), Mal Odorous (lead guitar).

Spartacus Outlaw
The name of an actual person! I stumbled across the name in a news article. I immediately thought "band name". They would play  southern-fried "outlaw rock".

Audist Pancake
Another proper name. This is also a vocabulary builder -- I had to look up what an "audist" is. I think of Audist Pancake as a '70s era pop-rock band. Someone in this band would definitely be playing a "keytar". The '70s era band "Head East" comes to mind.

Plum Tree Assassins
This comes from a friend who was (in my opinion) a bit overly zealous when he trimmed the plum tree in front of his house. He said "just call me the Plum Tree Assassin."  What kind of music would the Plum Tree Assassins play? It sounds vaguely new-wave to me, perhaps with some '60s psychedelia influences.

Fossil Rock
This is my generic term for bands that burned out (or faded away) years (or even decades) ago, but continue to tour. Don't get me wrong, I've attended several Fossil Rock performances and enjoyed most of them. I think the band Fossil Rock would be an aging '80s hair-metal band. Think Cheap Trick meets Ratt.

Struthious Pols
Another vocabulary builder. Definitely alt-rock. Not sure which sub-genre. I'm thinking something along the lines of R.E.M. meets the Dead Kennedys.

The Bloviators
Yet another vocabulary builder. The Bloviators would definitely be a punk band. If it's a girl-group maybe the name would be The Bloviatrixes.

Wawa Skittletits
This one comes to us courtesy of Damn You Autocorrect. I think Wawa Skittletits would be an old-school blues band. Someone I might hear at Kingston Mines or Buddy Guy's Legends in Chicago.

Coito Ergo Sum
Combines the punk aesthetic with classical western philosophy.

Organic Nitrox
Scuba divers should get this one. For the non-divers perhaps a better name would be Organic Nitrous. Either way, an alt-indie band.

Flapping Manhole Covers
There's a somewhat long story behind this one. Too long to tell here. Definitely an alt-indie band. I'm thinking The Vandals meets The Village People.

Cthulhu All-Spark
A couple made the mistake of "crowd-sourcing" the naming of their baby on the internet.  This was the winner of by a pretty wide margin. They were smart enough to not use the name. But it would make a pretty good death-rock band name. Something influenced by Rammstein, perhaps.

The '70s with Sadness
I think this band would be a modern alt-indie version of a lounge band. Think Buster Poindexter. They would combine modern lounge with (bad) covers of '70s pop music.

Death Wish Dogs
This one comes from the scuba trip to Indonesia. Named after the dogs in Gangga who preferred to take their naps on the narrow roadways. Sometimes they wouldn’t even bother to get out of the way when cars honked their horns at them! Not sure what type of music Death Wish Dogs would play. Perhaps either reggae or ska?

Intergluteal Cleft
This one comes to us courtesy of the Ocala, FL City Council. I think we can all agree that Intergluteal Cleft would be a hardcore punk band. Although with a vocabulary that includes the word "intergluteal" I think they would be a somewhat more cerebral punk band, sorta like the Ramones. BTW, the official logo for the band would use the musical "clef" symbol, like this: Intergluteal Cle
𝄢t. Or would that be Intergluteal Cle𝄞t? (BTW, that won't show up in Firefox -- use Chrome.)

Prison Doghouse Incident
I got this one from Westlaw's "Headnote of the Day". The full story is too long to tell, but it involved a prison guard falling off a doghouse he was riding on top of while chasing an escaped prisoner. What type of music would Prison Doghouse Incident play? Why, jailhouse blues, of course.

Shannon Entropy
For the statisticians amongst you. I think Shannon Entropy would play a discordant type of music. Definitely nothing melodic.

Drunken Zombie Santas
I got this one from a newspaper headline. I think DZS would play heavy metal. Perhaps a White Zombie tribute band?

Odobenusophile Habits
Yet another vocabulary builder, and I’m officially declaring this one to be the first “recursive band name”: Odobenusophile Habits would be a Struthious Pols cover band.